Everyone has their heroes. Mine happens to be Chevy Chase.
Now here is a man who has been given great lines, or has been given the creative license to "have at it", as they say, when it comes to improvisation. I don't know if he has been included in anything lately, but, what I am currently speaking of is his role in Fletch, and the various Vacation films.This man is f*cking brilliant. He doesn't give a sh*t what anyone thinks.
A direct quote, from the first Fletch, which has stayed firmly in my memory, and tends to resurface during times of prolonged stress, is "Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick". I think the "H" stands for "Holy".
Now I know full well that my heritage disallows taking the Lord's name in vain, but what am I supposed to do? It just seems so shocking that it becomes bloody hilarious to hear someone so callous and unsacremental.
Other well known, and side-splitting examples of Chase rants are:
Clark W. Griswold
Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
Listen to it here ( scroll down to, and click on, Christmas Vacation...and then nuthouse.wav )
or:
Clark W. Griswold
Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
Listen to it here( scroll down to, and click on, Christmas Vacation...and then giftidea.wav )
Truthfully, what makes these last two so gosh darn funny is hearing them in the company of my brother-in-law Mel, rocking and shaking while he laughs. Priceless. Award-winning.
5 comments:
I think we have to be thankful for the little things. Such as-- we grew up so sheltered, that we giggle like schoolgirls sneaking a cardboard smoke at the garbage bin when we heard a couple of BAD WORDs!
soul soothing? perhaps says where your soul is at.
It may be your heritage that disallows it but it's the Lord that command that it not be done. Perhaps you've forgotten that this is the shortest part of your life.
Anonymous: Perhaps...and it sure is nice that there are people like you to provide the FREE litmus test. I would do it myself, but I don't know where to get the test strips for free. I could take them from the science lab from school, then I'd have to deal with the whole guilt thing...
I absolutely loved every single word. Great post. When I think of these movies, I smile and giggle thinking about my childhood. A friend of mine said the JC on a popsicle stick line last year and I felt exactly the same way you did. I had to laugh. I had no idea where it came from, I thought she made it up.
I have to go now my son is stuck in the hamper. Thanks for the smiles. :)
Have you watched the movie, "Little Miss Sunshine" yet? If you haven't you must. The grandfather uses the most inappropriate language but he is hilarious! I also grew up in a swear-free home but like you, can appreciate a good rant.
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